Well-Cascade is over (and boy is it).  I am not really sure what is going on, but my inner strength seems to be laying on the trail at San Diego or something.  When I read back to my last post, I am wondering who wrote that---Either some type of metamorphisis occured at San Diego, or my folks canceling their trip to come to the race (which sounds like no big deal, but I so wanted them to see our magnificent culture and I was SO crushed when they couldn't come), or the fact that deep down I wanted so much for this to be JOE'S day (as it was his 5th Cascade Crest in a row!)... I don't know what it was, but NOTHING about finishing White River or Cascade Crest while I was out there excited me...  Silly to even start huh?  There is nothing about a 100 miler that you belong doing if you don't have the desire to finish....  So, I started anyway???.... 
The first 11 miles went by pretty quick, but I had already resorted to the ipod by mile 6, I was "bored".  By the time I got to 23 I was already playing games with myself to keep going...  Running comfortably physically about 15 minutes ahead of last year at 23, Monica told me to slow down as my entire goal was to not do another San Diego.  (Dispite what I said about feeling normal a week later, it went downhill from there... I was messed up physically for a month for some reason-no equilibrium, only wanted to sleep, I was hormonal like a chick too!  YUK!)  Anyway, I do remember enjoying the section around Tacoma Pass on the PCT, and was excited to see Heather Anderson out there.  I have no idea how she has the toughness to stay out there for 2-3 months like that, but I have so much respect for that deep love and peace with the trails!  Between 23 and 33, I couldn't calm the rats down in my head-"why are you doing this if you don't want to?" "you are leading, you should be happy" "you will feel so good when it's all over" "I am hating it out here, and that pisses me off" "you feel fine, what the f%^k are you having all of these negative thoughts for" "you are such a pu#$y!" "so much for tough" "just keep going it will get better" "it's not getting better" "am I to the next aid yet?" "God these miles are not going by!" "how am I going to do 67 more of these" "I am not having fun" and so on...  While these thoughts are normal in ultrarunning, they were so Intense this day....  Got to 33 and told Monica "I don't want to be out here..." I was almost in tears (HOW LAME!)...  So I took off my bib and did the one thing I love-helped EVERYBODY while waiting for Joe....  When I saw him it lifted my spirits and I had fun crewing him the rest of the day/night.  Got to present the surprise of Taryn coming with the dogs to run him accross the line, so that was AWESOME!  Got to witness his dad being at the finish  I am so proud of him...  He had a crowd around him as so many people are proud like me of such a wonderful guy with a HUGE HEART!  So, still smiling from his victory and not aware of the emotion to come, I drove us home, grabbed our traditional Whole Foods salads and then the regret began....  I see him sore, exhausted, proud and I am dying to have that!  Silly huh?  Yes, I could've won the race, but that doesn't matter either, I want the feeling of spent (but staying out there running wasn't working...)  I AM LOST!  I cannot figure out my thoughts!  Sure not good at this stuff.  Work hard, be tough, it all pays off.  What do you do with yourself if you don't feel like working hard?  Where does that satisfaction come from then?  All I can say now is time will tell.....

100 Milers

100 Milers-Should I?---OK---Maybe

Hundred in the Hood 100 Mile Endurance Run

Swan Crest 100 Mile Endurance Run

Cascade Crest 100 Mile Endurance Run



Badger Mountain 100 Mile Endurance Run

San Diego 100

San Diego 100 Mile Endurance Run

 Never in my life have I had something that grabs a hold of me like a 100 mile race.  While we are INSANE to attempt such a feat, ultrarunners flock to the opportunity!  Why?  What is the true reason we put our bodies through such trauma?  Why do we insist on punishing our systems for 16+ hours (for elites) and 18+ hours for me?  Will we ever be truly satisfied with other accomplishments?  Will we have to do this forever to ride the wave of Zen we achieve after finishing one?  I ponder these questions while on the trail during a race (with as much thought as I can muster-which is limited as the race goes on.)

I write this a week after the San Diego 100, 2012-which I quit last year.  Emphatically quit no less.  My husband, Joseph Tompkins and I were talking about posting on my blog, so it was in my head, and here I am typing. 

My first 100 miler was in 09 at the Hood 100.  When I was done, I SWORE up and down, never again!  And meant it!  Why would anyone put themselves willingly through THAT?  But, as usual, my optimistic, level headed husband was praising the 100 miler-talking about how much satisfaction it brings and squaking about how he can't wait for Cascade Crest in 2010, and how he hoped to do another one that year.  Along came Swan Crest.  Just a tad different race than Hood-Drastic Understatement. Swan Crest came during an exceptionally bad time in my life and health.  I wasn't ready for anything like this, not even close.  The course was stacked with avalanche sections, marking was scarce, terrain was TOUGH and I was not mentally ready.  Not to mention, Joe, Alvin and I decided to run as a trio for 100 miles.  THAT DOESN'T WORK-Lesson Learned!  AND, if you catch up with someone who is crying the blues, leave them ASAP before they infect you!  Lesson Learned!  Needless to say, Joseph Tompkins, Alvin Crain (who got super sick) and I quit.  Kudos to anyone who finished that one!  My next attempt was to be Pine to Palm, but with the chronic insomnia I had, I was convinced I was to stop running and drop my cortisol levels to I asked to get into Cascade Crest at the last minute and somehow there was a spot for me.  AWESOME, now I could run a 100 and snuff the demons in my head from quitting one.  Cascade was my proof and then NEVER again, I said.  Turns out, even though Cascade was harder, it worked ok for me, the climbing, the descending, the sun, the people, the 10:00am start (helped me sleep a bit more).  I still said I would never do another one.  So I signed up for San Diego-I know-we've all done it.  On to June 2011 and on to Joe's best 100 ever!  I was more excited for him than for me going into it, and it SHOWED.  I ran Sun Mountain 50 mile to prepare, and instead of tapering 3 weeks before, I ran Sun Mountain HARD, winning it in 6:50.  OOPS!  After running good, but not mentally in it and feeling "physically" fine at San Diego, I plopped my butt in a chair at 72 and there I stayed.  Mentally could  not go one more mile.  Even now, believe it or not, I agree with my decision.  I had more important challenges to work on mentally, and the strife I felt since helped me turn my business life around.  I am afraid the satisfaction would have carried to long and I wouldn't have dug deep and regained my business success.  Yes, the 100 is that powerful.  Not to mention, Cascade Crest 11 wouldn't have gone like it did.  Now for Cascade 2011.  To prepare, I signed up for White River 50 mile and had the best time there, and the best race!  I pushed, and it worked!  (since I never seem to train as hard as I race, it's usually a crapshoot.)  In trying to mentally redeem myself I planned my race so perfectly in that I had the two BEST pacers for that race I could have.  I asked Monica Ochs (the fastest walker I know) to help me on the roads coming out of Hyak and Alvin Crain (the guy who won't put up with my shit, and who loves the Trail From Hell) to pace from the onset of it to the end.  There was never an issue-NONE-yes, I was tired, but we pushed on, constantly.  We saw Thorpe in the dark, and saw the sunrise on the last couple needles.  It was really cool.  Tied the course record (didn't know what it was) and got to hang out after in the sun with a ton of really cool friends!  GREAT DAY.  But the 100 miler still kicked my butt mentally.  Not really in love yet.  Joe had signed up for Badger Mountain 100 and my entire plan was to go and run the 50k and help him out.  (I didn't even notice the 50k was on Saturday, and the 100 mile started Friday-typical me).  All I had heard was that Badger was not well marked, hard to follow, but a cool race.  About 2 weeks before Badger, I got a spontaneous burr up my butt and entered... WHAT?  We had turned our business around and the insomnia was gone, life was good, my shoulders were down, I am married to the most wonderful man on the planet, I have great friends, a new relationship with my Sister after 40 years that I love and 2 parents that I love and respect like nobody's business, so life for me is so good today that I felt content to try a 100 with my new outlook on life.  I could write for days about Badger, let's just say that the race itself was poorly marked, the volunteers were awesome, the weather was horrific for the first 30 miles, and I got lost at the end for 5 miles AFTER mile 96 in a neighborhood looking for the finish until finally I rang a guys doorbell to find the finish.  Upon coming to the finish, the camera man came up to me and scared the shit out of me... I proceeded to ask him where the finish was and he spun me around, tilted my head back and had me look up to the finish banner above me....  What can I say, I was dilerious and mentally done from never feeling so lost in my life in a neighborhood at 3 am...  Isn't there anybody awake???  Anyway, all in all, it was GREAT!  I loved it.  I discovered Under Armour Heat Gear for shitty weather, no blisters, as normal with Drymax Socks (my new and only sponsor)!  Joe had a great race also, so we had a house full of satisfaction...  We had already registered for the SD100 and made reservations to that was next.  Relaxed going into SD100, and not heat training AT ALL, we rolled down to SD, had a killer time with family and started the race COMFORTABLY under course record!  This is where calories and heat training come in.  I ate a few pieces of fruit and a bite of a PB&J all morning, and was on Ensure only by 44.1.  Fading already, I picked up Joe (my husband was going to pace me!  This was so exciting for me!  I respect him SO MUCH and I couldn't wait for 65!) and we proceeded to speedwalk most of the last 30.  I bonked SO bad!  After, my system was so messed up, it void all of it's contents on the side of Sunrise hwy (how?  there was nothing there!)...  LESSON----Heat train for heat!  Afterwords, we caught the plane home that day and it is just now, 1 week later that I feel normal!  Amazing what the 100 can do....  But, did I mention I feel that satisfaction like NO OTHER!  See you all at Cascade Crest 100!  And this time my parents are finally coming to see an ultra!